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My Husband’s New Biffle!

If you have been following me on Snap Chat, you’ve seen my recent shenanigans about my husband’s new biffle, Beyonce. Ever since reading what might be my favorite blog post ever, I have been on a mission to find my husband the perfect giant metal chicken. Low and behold, my mom and I went to Home Goods last week, the Mecca of random crap you didn’t know you needed, and saw her! I have talked about “Beyonce” for years and we both got that glimmer in our eye. We knew right then that my husband’s new biffle was standing right in front of us in all of her metallic glory.

The car was already full from our purchases of the day so we had to leave her. I was reluctant because obviously someone was going to snatch up my beloved chicken before I could return. I even went back on the weekend to check on her. I showed my husband and was all like, “I’m going to buy this for you. Ha ha ha.” He gave me his stern dad look that doesn’t work on anyone other than the dog. We had to leave Beyonce, yet again.

Our Mission to Rescue Beyonce

Tuesday was the day. We set off on our mission to rescue Beyonce and bring her home! I emptied the truck and made sure we had plenty of room. I asked the 4 year old what we should do first, go to Home Depot or go get Beyonce. “BEYONCE,” she yelled. Lemonade was playing in the background so clearly that was a sign. Off to Home Goods we went. As we walked into the store, there was a group of girls taking pictures with my metal chicken. As much as I wanted to yell, “Step off b*tches!”, I refrained because no one (other than us) is going to buy a giant metal chicken…..

Of course there was no price on it. My mom asked me what my number was. I said if it was less than $200, she was coming home with us. It was meant to be because she squeaked in just under my number. The sales guy carried her up front, I paid and then proceeded to shove this metal monstrosity in the back of my LR4 praying I didn’t scratch up the leather. I still haven’t checked for damage.

I had a feeling that my husband was expecting it so I put her in the least obvious spot – his closet. I made sure to hide it while Makayla was napping because she sucks at secrets. Now, we wait.

George walks in the house after a long day’s work and the following conversation ensues:

Makayla – Did you see it outside?!?!

George – No, what?

M: [she whispers] Beyonce!

Right then he knows. That fucking metal chicken.

G: No. I didn’t see her outside. Let’s check the office. [walks to an empty office]

M: Awe, she’s not here. Where’d mommy put her?

G: Hmmm….I don’t know. Let’s go upstairs.

[opens closet door]


G: How am I supposed to change with that thing in my closet??

Me: Don’t you love her? It’s a congratulatory present!

G: Congratulatory for what?

M: Ummmmmm……

Obviously unimpressed, he proceeds to move Beyonce out of the his closet. She sits in the middle of our bedroom until we come to a solution. I think she should stay in our room but he’s not in agreement.

Long story short, my husband’s new biffle now has a home in the corner of his office. Doesn’t he look happy???? Mission accomplished!

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