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8 Things You Don’t Say to a Pregnant Woman

When I was pregnant, people would constantly ask or say the dumbest crap so I’ve decided to put together a list of things you don’t say to a pregnant woman. We are already chock-full of hormones, uncomfortable and are completely aware of our “situation.” We don’t need to be reminded of what we can or can’t do or that being pregnant during the summer is going to suck.

You don’t have to tell me I can’t jump on a trampoline smoking crack because I already know**. You don’t need to know about my son’s penis or about my boobs because when you ask about circumcision or breastfeeding that’s essentially what you’re saying. There’s an infinite amount of inappropriate things I’ve been asked but my top 8 are below. Enjoy. Happy Hump Day!

8 Things You Don’t Say to a Pregnant Woman

1. “Are you pregnant?”

Uh, can you not? I feel like this is common sense but if you have to ask, just DON’T. You should be 110% sure a woman is expecting before you mention it and even then, don’t. Let them bring it up and if they don’t it’s because, “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.”

2. “Are you having twins?”

Seriously. Why do people think it’s ok to ask this? You’re basically saying I look like a fat cow. Thank you for that.

3. “When are you due? [I answer] Oh wow, you have a ways to go.”

Thank you for reminding me. Pregnancy is 9 months long. I don’t need to be told everyday that I will basically be pregnant for a whole year. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to experiene all 4 seasons in one pregnancy. Fun….said no woman ever. The good news is you’re not an elephant. Their pregnancies are 22 months long.

4. “Should you be eating that?”

I will cut you. No really, I will. Do not question a pregnant woman about her food unless you want to lose an appendage.

5. “Can I rub your belly?”

I’m completely guilty of belly rubbing but only if I know said pregnant woman. I don’t understand why strangers think its ok to rub someone else’s baby. Touch my belly, I may touch yours back.

6. “How far along are?” …. “Oh wow, you’re so big. Imagine how big you’ll be by 9 months.”

Walk away before I stab you. If only I was allowed to say crazy sh*t to not-pregnant people. Apparently filters go by the wayside if you’re growing a human.

7. “I thought you weren’t supposed to ……. while pregnant?”

If you haven’t been pregnant before, leave me alone. If you have, you should know better. Leave me alone!

8. “Did you have the baby yet?”

Yes. Yes I did. I’m just keeping it a secret from everyone. Now excuse me while I go back into hiding.

….and In Conclusion

We know you mean well but generally the only thing a pregnant woman wants to hear from you is “Here is some ice cream” or “I think your water broke.” And don’t lie to me and tell me I’m glowing because I know you’re full of sh*t. That’s sweat, not glow. Mammas, feel free to add more in the comments. Everyone is always in need of a good laugh.

**That’s a movie reference. I’m not really a crackhead.

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